“Game of Thrones”: 5 moments from “Red Woman”

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Caution: watch for crossing spoilers

Jon Snow’s still dead, and Game of Thrones covered a lot of ground in its season six premiere. So, let’s avoid Ramsay Bolton’s blood hounds and jump right into the five craziest moments from “Red Woman,” in ascending order.

. . . Daenerys’ support in Mereen is waning, and the way the episode decides to illustrate it is rather good. Tyrion and Varys walk through the city, most poignantly through a rally calling for a rebellion against Dany, who they believe has deserted them — bought a first-class ticket on Drogon out of there — in the midst of the Sons of the Harpy scare.

Tyrion and Varys ultimately find Dany’s fleet of ships burning in the harbor, probably a sign of the Mereenese distrust, which means Dany and Co. are landlocked once again. They won’t be storming King’s Landing anytime soon, even if she was there.

. . . Dany’s been captured by Dothraki, and that’s a big problem especially because they want her to live out the rest of her life in a village of Khal widows. But, man, her scenes in “Red Woman” are so funny, which deep down could be because we just know she’ll find a way to turn the situation in her favor. But Thrones! You’ve used humor so well here!

Her captors don’t realize who she is, nor that she speaks the language. So they wonder if her hair is so white because she’s been out in the sun too long, and if her pubic hair matches. The Khal says seeing her naked for the first time would be the best thing in his life. His servants beg to differ, hilariously rattling off everything else he’s done.

“Seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time is among the five best things in life,” the Khal laments. Queue the infamous Daenerys eye rolls.

. . . Seeing Sansa in a position of power for the first time is exciting.

Brienne and Podrick rescue her and Theon as Ramsay’s men quickly corner in the woods and although Brienne executes a sweet leaping sword kill against one of the horsemen, the best part comes when Brienne kneels and pledges her allegiance to protect Sansa which she’s been trying to do for a long, long time now.

So, is it a milestone for Brienne who has finally reached her, but this is going to be good for Sansa. She’s going to learn to lead on the fly. First thing’s learning the oath, which Podrick helps her through. Thanks, Podrick.

. . . “You’re a greedy bitch, you know that?”

We barely knew Dorne, its leaders and exotic orients, before Thrones started killing its old guard. Beginning with the season five finale, when Ellaria Sand poisons Myrcella hardcore Disney princess style, and continuing in “Red Woman,” the Sand Snakes (Ellaria, Tyene, Obara and Nymeria) are executing a plan to overthrow the government.

Ellaria and daugther Tyene dispense of the kind, Doran, and his body man, Areo Hotah, while the other two daughters of Oberyn, Obara and Nymeria, corner Prince Trystane in his room and make him choose how he wants to be killed — with a whip or spear.

This is as bloody as Thrones gets this week, and it’s good for the episodes best zinger.

And if we’re being honest with ourselves, doesn’t anyone who answers a knock on their bedroom door by saying, “I told you, I’m not hungry,” deserve to be killed?

. . . Melisandre’s reveal leaves us with the most questions, of course. At the end of the episode, she undresses in front of a mirror and, after taking off her necklace, she transforms into a old woman — inhumanely old — and gets into bed.

The assumption is that she revealed her true self. But, seriously, what just happened? Does her necklace keep her young? Is there something about the mirror? Does she do this every night? Or is there a reason to do it now? How old is she?

“You haven’t seen her do what I’ve seen her do,” Davos says in the scene just before. Yeah, that seems like an understatement now.

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