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Everyone needs an ali-buddy in Scream Queens


Chanel No. 3 comes to Sam to reveal her darkest secret, and I’m thinking we’re about to find out why she wears furry ear muffs all the time. Boy, am I wrong.

First, it’s revealed No. 3 is heir to the Swenson TV dinner fortune (not to be confused with the real-life Swanson brand). And now we officially have our Mean Girls wannabes. No. 3 has the trust fund of Gretchen Wieners, but the spacey demeanor of Karen Smith, making it hard to pin No. 3 and No. 5 to one character or the other. No. 5 exudes a bitchy “You can’t sit with us!” vibe, but is also bragging about being Eiffel Towered by twins. (Oh, yeah, Scream Queens just went there). Chanel Oberlin is Regina George. In “Chainsaw,” she creates Cady Heron from Hester Ulrich.

Second, and most juicy, No. 5 reveals she’s an offspring of Charles Manson, which she says makes her a suspect in the Red Devil murders. Although it’s confusing why she thought this was a timely, necessary admission, she introduces “ali-buddies.” This is a BFF who will have a built-in alibi to save the other. In similar ways, this is what Grace is to Zayday, and what Hester is to Chanel.

It’s what we thought Dean Munsch and Gigi might form, but didn’t. And now, after the ending of this latest episode, it’s what Dean Munsch needs most. By the end of “Chainsaw,” Scream Queens has its first legitimate accusation (I can’t take Denise seriously). After Gigi’s is isolated in the living room and attacked, a chainsaw wielding Wes Gardner says Dean Munsch is the killer.

He has grounds. Dean Munsch hates the sorority, especially Chanel, she’s jealous of Gigi and Wes’ relationship and  she was somehow involved in the bathroom incident 20 years ago. And the scene is damning. She moved into the KKT house, bringing herself closer to the girls. She practically pushed Gigi out of the bedroom with her white noise machine. She’s wearing a nighty that’d be easy to get in and out of. And why’d it take her so long to rush downstairs when it took the girls no time at all? On the contrary there’s this: How would she have gotten back upstairs without anyone seeing? Also, why would she destroy the mascot she created?

The Dollar Scholars, who brought us the greatest moment of the episode (vigilantes marching in all white to the Backstreet Boys’ “Everybody”), may know the most important thing of all at this point. There are, apparently, multiple Red Devil killers.

The thing is, everybody’s name has either already been tossed into the ring or will eventually be raised in question. We’re going to play the blame game every week, so anybody who isn’t dropping everything right now and linking up with an ali-buddy is oblivious to a game they don’t know they’re playing.


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