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Parks and Rec: Where’d you get that dress? I was buried in it


The best time to reminisce about your high school prom is obviously when your Parks Department decides to foot the bill and save the dance from being cut. Here’s what we learned in the prom episode of “Parks and Recreation”:

  • lake (v.), definition: to jump a car, or similar machinery, over a lake.
  • Tom’s iPod is carefully assorted with “bangers,” each of which are tested based on the following criteria:
    1. How many beats per minute?
    2. How many drops?
    3. How dope are the drops?
    4. Acoustic instrumentation does not equal “banger”
  • Way back when, April, the original Parks intern, was given the right to name the Pawnee Parks Department’s summer internship program. She came up with “The April Ludgate Summer Solstice Druid Festival and Buffalo Wings Eating Contest.” Sounds right to me.
  • Andy’s review of “Expendables 2” is complicated and practiced. These are the levels:
    First time: hated it.
    Second time: hated it.
    Third time: it was okay.
    Fourth-tenth times: realized it’s just not a good movie.
  • Relationship Dr. Donna says: “Be direct.”
  • Are you a Ron or a Leslie? If you look at the faces of the people when you pull the ceremonial rope and drop the balloons, you’re a total Knope. If you look at the handily-built cage the balloons drop from, you’re 100 percent Swanson.
  • I would’ve been April’s best friend in high school.
  • This is classic rock:
  • A life lesson from Ron: “Blue prints for the future are a fool’s errand. They’re like blue prints for a house — nice to have, but any foreman with half a brain doesn’t need to look at it. One day this year or maybe the next, you’re going to be somewhere else. So enjoy yourself now.”

April didn’t go to prom, but there was an adorable Andy-April moment that must be mentioned — “If we went to high school together we would’ve never started dating and we would’ve never gotten married and I don’t like thinking about that,” says April. Answers Andy, “We wouldn’t have gotten together if we were in high school? That’s because kids in high school are idiots. The only thing that matters is we found each other, right now, and it’s the best.” Oh, I love you kids. As for how the others spent the pinnacle of their high school years, summaries of their testimonials are ranked from greatest to a little less greater, below:

  • Donna: You really think she wants to waste her time at prom? Shoot, she was dating an older fella back then and he was coaching Duke to the Final Four.
  • Tom: He spent a whopping 15 minutes at prom. The rest of the time? Getting his Armani suit pressed. His date was pissed, but at least he looked fly as hell.
  • Ben: He got impeached and couldn’t leave the house, so his parents threw him a prom. He’s still messed up from it.
  • Ron: He was 12 years old. Merl Haggard was involved, but he had to go to work at the quarry.
  • Leslie: She put all of her chips in the prom bucket, of course. She went with Harvey from the A.V. Club, who later became famous for a near death experience when he got electrocuted by a VCR. To this day, he turns on his microwave by blinking.
  • Andy: Drank liters of Snakejuice before it was Snakejuice.

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