I was six years old in 1996 when Sabrina, the Teenage Witch began and by the time I was 13 it was in it’s final season and kind of just, you know, on every channel, morning, noon and night. Sabrina never interested me too much. I wasn’t a cat person, still not, and Salem couldn’t quite go 12 rounds with to CatDog — even that featured a cartoon half-cat, but it was a very masculine cat and I never developed a taste for Nick Bakay… I mean, comeeeee onnnnn.
Sure, I was very aware of Drive Me Crazy (1999); specifically, the Britney Spears video and all of that cleavage. Melissa Joan Hart wasn’t the draw. It was Britney, with glasses, curly hair and chewing gum. Plus, it was a terrible movie. No, wait, I was thinking of Election (1999) — that was terrible. Drive Me Crazy was actually decent. That was the one with the treehouse, right (?), when Hart was supposed to be the girl next door type.
Hart wasn’t in anything since Sabrina, until her television career took off with the made-for-TV My Fake Fiance, which was awful like most ABC Family flicks. Nevertheless, she and Joey Lawrence got a show from it and that’s when I started noticing her again. I knew of her as Sabrina, but I was completely oblivious to her Maxim cover spread until very recently when she released her tell-all book and admitted she was on some crazy shit during that photo shoot. She also writes that she made out with pretty much every teen heart throb that existed in the 1990s, but that’s a story for another day.
Two semi-significant things happened for Hart recently. One, her tell-all book. Any celebrity thirsty for a little attention should write one of these, especially if you were in a 1990s sitcom or teen movie. For example, I’m still anxiously awaiting the Alicia Silverstone autobiography where she talks about being super hot all of her life. That’s going to be a bestseller. Hart’s book is doing pretty well, too. Second, and not actually “recent,” she was on the cover of People talking about how she lost 42 pounds. Really, that’s great for her.
I admittedly caught an episode or two of Melissa & Joey, a show that makes no effort to create characters; rather, they’re just going to go by their real names. Thumbs down. I noted, however, that Melissa doesn’t look half bad. Then, I saw this 2009 red carpet picture (see above) in one of those Where Are They Now slideshows and realized: Melissa Joan Hart really hot… still really hot (?)… hot now that she’s older (?).
I’d argue that Hart got sexier with age. Google says she’s 37, but she doesn’t look like it. I said the second part, not Google. Wouldn’t that be cool? If Google could be like “Melissa Joan Hart is 37, but looks a lot younger.” Google, you dog. Yes, Melissa Joan Hart is sexy. She’s a hot mom, which is a title I hate and wish would disappear off the face of the planet. She wore yoga pants to one of the stops on her book tour and she rocked them.
There was a lot of competition in the 90s for Hart to stand out, including the aforementioned Britney and Alicia, and Topanga Matthews for goodness sake. Man, it was over when Topanga walked out of that hair salon, but I’ll hold onto my favoritism of Ski Trip Lauren, who is surprisingly Lindsay Weir (Freaks and Geeks) without the Army jacket. Her real name, for your information, is Linda Cardellini. Look her up.
The reason for this post, however, and the moral of this story is that apparently Melissa Joan Hart is really hot and I feel like I’m either a) the only one who thinks this, or b) the last one to recognize this. I don’t care, either way.